I receive thank-you letters and positive feedback from my readers everyday, but there has been some online criticism levelled at our team by two others who have written books on this subject. I am sharing this because these are the same people whose writing on narcissism (and the those who have been influenced by them*) almost sent me crazy when I needed help with my husband Steve and I am concerned that this might be how you are feeling right now ...

Neither of these two have met us, and they do not seem interested that Steve has grown out of his narcissism. They say that we should not use the word “cure” because this has not been proven with scientific trials. I think this is hard to swallow when narcissism is not a disease  (and instead a personality disorder) and professionals are so divided on diagnosis, prognosis and treatment options and the behaviour this disorder describes is so common in people having relationship problems that it can even be argued that it is a symptom of relationship breakdown rather than the cause. For now my official statement is ...

I will stop saying “Cure for Narcissism” when people stop saying “No cure!”

Here is why ...

I was scared, nearly out of my mind (and have talked to many others scared in the same way) by the lack of compassion, insight, hope, courtesy or any sensible advice given to me when Steve’s condition was first suspected. The same people who led me to understand that he was narcissistic were also the loudest to say that I must leave him and not speak to him ever! Later when Steve got better, these same people said that he must not have been NPD after all, but that he probably only had narcissistic tendencies and that I was just lucky (?)

This bothers me in a number of ways;

1. Back when we needed help, not one person on-line or off said there was a chance that he only had tendencies (and so that he might improve), quite the opposite, instead I was told that I was obviously delusional and lacking in self esteem if I didn’t want to leave him. If I had gone ahead and followed this advice (leaving with no contact) it would have been a devastating psychological, emotional and financial blow for us that would have shattered our family and which we may NEVER have recovered from.

2. I have been accused of spreading false hope, and am told by these same critics that my message is dangerous, when I see stories in the paper every day of domestic murders and crimes (always committed just after one partner has left). I believe that our message is much more responsible than this on every level. We don’t pretend our advice is easy, but whether the narcissistic partner’s behavior improves or not our advice will leave their partner in a much stronger and safer position than they were previously.

3. Those who say that I was lucky! I asked Steve about this earlier today. I said “Do you think that it was luck that changed things or that I was lucky in any way with what I went through with you?” He just laughed and said “Kim, it was not luck, it was you; I was the lucky one!”

If you are in an abusive or violent relationship it doesn’t matter if your partner is narcissistic, has narcissistic tendencies (and the experts admit that they cannot even tell the difference between these two). What matters is that the points in our guide will help you to improve your safety whether your partner’s behavior changes or not. I cannot promise their behavior will change, of course not! I can tell you however that Steve has changed, and that we have helped many people to protect themselves and find peace in their relationships when previously they were told there was no hope.

Our guide is essential to give you clear steps of what actions you will need to take to get out of the corner that you are now in.

For there to be any hope of change you will need to protect yourself and also become a very strong parental figure, and fill in some gaps and heal some distortions your partner has missed in the developmental process. The biggest of these is the ability to trust. Just like parenting, if you want to improve a child’s behavior and character you will need to change your own behavior towards them. Leaving them or threatening to leave in order to try and force them to change their behavior will NOT build trust! Making demands will not work either.

If your partner is violent or committing crimes you may need to help have them put in jail and our ideas are not pretending that you can avoid this. Quiet the opposite, it is important that partner’s of these people stop protecting them from the consequences of their ‘crimes’. This is very different however than saying that they can’t be cured so you should just run away. Divorce will not stop someone's criminal behaviour but jail (or the threat of jail) can!

When Steve was assessed as having NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) everyone said I should leave him. I was made to feel a fool because I believed he could get better. Despite this (and even though he was hurting me) I refused to abandon him. I knew there had to be answers. I made a lot of mistakes and got a lot of professional help and advice and nearly drove myself mad reading all of the advice online from bitter people who had not solved their relationship problems, until I finally found the steps to take.

I also discovered that the online self-professed ‘expert’ on narcissism, who has been influencing the medical profession for years saying that there is no cure for narcissism, is no expert at all, but a mentally ill man who may know about symptoms, but is dangerously wrong about what the family of someone with NPD should do to protect themselves and to get help, (it was actually a police officer that first told me that this man was wrong about there being no cure for narcissism). An international documentary has been made about him and all of the people he has hurt. In this program he admits on camera that his PHd is from a grist mill (so he is really not a Dr. at all). He has many sites and he has influenced many people online about narcissism, and he is very seductive and abusive, so please be careful as many people have fallen under his spell. Don’t be one of them ...

Wake up and take action

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* There are many lonely people online whose relationships have failed, and so will insist there is no hope for your relationship either. I really feel for these people, but would you prefer to be coached by winners or losers? Everyone on the narcissism cured team is in a happy and committed relationship and here to give you ongoing support with our free radio shows (where we answer reader’s questions), discounts on our ebooks and audio products, movies and ongoing support and you will receive all of this once you subscribe.

PLEASE NOTE - Kim is not a therapist or doctor, but her advice is well researched and has been reviewed by a professional psychotherapist and includes qualified advice from many sources including Social Services and the Police. Please note that you may however still want to read this Disclaimer and Privacy Policy before using this site or her products.

©MODPOD2008