It’s all about sharing . . .
What determines if a family is functional or dysfunctional?;
- How successful members are at school or in their careers?
- How politely they speak to each other?
- How often they all fight and argue?
Saying “shut up” in some families may be taboo – but in our house I’m afraid it is common. And while our communication style may be direct, anyone who knows us will tell you how much we all genuinely like each other.
Likewise, arguing is not necessarily a sign of dysfunction. People need to be able to argue sometimes to work out the best solution.
After years of helping heal family dysfunction I would say that the answer is:
“That one way or other resources in the family are shared fairly and to the benefit of everyone.”
This isn’t just about money – but also includes members interest, time and attention.
When it comes down to it, most forms of dysfunctional behavior are really poor or unfair ways of negotiating.
How does a family figure out how to best share its resources and how do you negotiate fairly with other family members?
That is the subject of my members only post today titled Negotiating With Your Family.
Have you considered a fee by article instead of the monthly charge? For some of us $40 a month is a very large sum, for others a $9 fee is also large. We pay nearly $40 a month for garbage collection, motor tax, etc. These things are necessary bills you cannot avoid, so to subscribe to a website paying such a rate is really extravagant. I think a ‘by article fee’ of say $2.95 for example is a good idea for those of us that do not feel every member section article is relevant. It makes your articles more available to the masses and less preclusive. I for one would love to read this article, but when I saw your monthly rates I thought ‘no way’!
Hi Rachel, I will think about that. The monthy rate is only $8.95.
The $40 subscription is only there for people who want to help support all the free material we give away and all the free articles I write (if you have a look down the right hand side there are a lot of them here). Other than that the $8.95 subscription gives you access to all the same material.
The article I posted today in my members area could have been a book. The content is very good and you will not find it anywhere else. Even if you paid $8.95 just to read it and then unsubscribed it would be cheap for what it offers and the time it has taken me to research and write that.
In the end it also comes down to what value you place on learning new skills to improve how your family relates to each other? Compared to a therapists session or a divorce lawyer I think you might see the value in what we offer.
I wrote free articles for years and didn’t charge anything (and we still give away subscriptions and books to anyone who writes to us because they can’t afford them). We would like to make our material as accessible as possible, but we also need our audience to recognize this materials worth if they are to really appreciate the value of it.
I would argue that even $40 a month for leadership training material usually only available in high level corporate training sessions with very high price tags attached is not extravagant. When I needed this material and it wasn’t there I committed myself to a year of study and wrote my books first for my own reference. I had decided that there was nothing more valuable I could learn than emotional intelligence training.
I think it was my own decision that this was a valuable line of research worth a large investment of my time (and money) that changed my life as much as the content I brought together.
I wanted to comment on the cost of the website. 1. I think the information here is a life saver and Farrrrrr less and much more effective that other services I have participated in. Mental health and relationships are very complicated and to have someone who is being so transparent. This is a blessing. I feel this website has saved me all kinds issues. I feel that someone is offering this quality of service should be paid very well so that we can give back to their family. We pay for what is important to us. Period.
Thank you for saying that Erika, we work very hard for very little here and it really makes a difference when people notice and are appreciative!
Yes, and it also includes emotional resources, as well as esteem resources, e.g. how a person is valued and esteemed individually for who they are. (who they actually are that is). What you’ve said is an interesting summary of this most important thing, and it sounds true.
There’s so much free content on the internet I won’t be paying for any articles, but you put in a lot of work:) well done its good that your making some business online
There are two types of dysfunctional families rather they don’t even bother to communicate don’t look or talk, or they argue too much, the ones who never talk might have emotional outbursts once a month or whenever coz they are trapping everything inside, and the ones who always argue are spending too much time together they need to give each other space, some attachment and a healthy level of detachment is necessary. Too much talking and laughing is bad, the right amount of silence gives you an aura of respect show that we care and try to be great full and count blessings
I am in my second marriage and has a second son now 18 yrs and has been stealing money, lying, smoking dagga, drinking ,sleeping out, entering through windows, selling step father things at it seems the discription of what i read. When you talk to him you cant associate his behaviour with him and he looks very very innocent. please help me
For the past 5 years since he moved in with us from the father he has been acting and demaqnding expensive things.Family was like strangers to him, other sibs are angry with him for stealing their clothes and putting then on without permission. wether you have locked or not is the same he has all tricks to access what he desires
Hi Tshifhiwa – Where do you live? Can the police help? I wonder what normally happens in your community to stop theft.
Hi,
I live in South Africa limpopo area. The police intervention this far has been some punishment as he was a minor when i visited them for help.
trully my family is dysfunctional