If you have codependent tendencies, narcissistic behavior will be extremely confusing and hurtful for you to live with. You probably grew up working hard to please people (believing that was love). So living with a marriage partner who once loved you, but is now rude and irresponsible and perhaps flirts with other people, while trying to paint you as their ‘problem’ will cause you an incredible amount of confusion and emotional pain.

Do you worry yourself and your partner will need years of therapy to get better? I once believed this, but I was wrong and this is not what turned Steve and my marriage around.

“A couple may swap roles in different situations.

Alcohol for instance will trigger narcissistic behavior in some people.”

Family dysfunction is one of the biggest problems facing most communities today and we work diligently to provide the most up-to-date information. We are real people and genuine about wanting to help you find the road to a happier home life.

“We believe Narcissism & its partner Codependence

are present in most dysfunctional marriages and that

Understanding these patterns & learning how to grow beyond them 

is the only real secret to a happy and functional family life.”

I hope that by sharing our experience it will protect you from some of the mistakes I made and the bitter and nasty people I ran into when I first discovered Steve’s narcissism and my codependence. I have information for you to put to use immediately if you are facing this problem.

For instance, expecting your partner to take care of your emotions by cheering you up when you are sad or knowing how to ‘keep you happy’ when you are in a bad mood is likely to cause a lot of resistance and resentment. It is important that you learn to regulate your own emotions (and keep yourself happy instead) if you want to be respected and loved (self soothing).

The flip side of the Coin ...

“A child growing up in this environment

will end up with some unhealthy expectations of

what love is & what level of emotional care-taking

is normal & healthy to expect from others.”

If you put your very best into your relationships, but usually end up hurt and disappointed, you may have learned patterns of behavior as a child that psychologists call ‘codependent’.

The flip side to Codependence is known as Narcissism and may begin with a child who grew up avoiding an emotionally demanding parent, and the codependent child (their brother or sister) whose job it became to keep that parent happy. The narcissistic child may have lied to get out of helping at home and may have stole money or otherwise been irresponsible with resources, using charm, bragging, being popular or cute (or academic or sporting success) to gain their parent’s praise and to get away with shifting their chores and responsibilities onto others.

Did you grow up caring for your parents in an unhealthy way? Were you expected to keep one or both of your parents happy, despite them being needy and demanding and at times quite a handful for even an adult to manage? Were either of your parents irresponsible, childish, an alcoholic, gambler, unfaithful or abusive or have other problems that no one discussed openly?

You may have been made to feel special for taking care of one or both of your parents and perhaps were treated more like an adult than a child, but was this at the expense of your own emotional needs and development? 

This role may have won you special favor, but probably felt very uncomfortable. A child’s needs and personality have little room for expression or growth in this kind of relationship. You also may have learned some unhealthy ideas about happiness and personal goals and what kind of attention and care is healthy for an adult to expect from another.

If you are in an abusive relationship please visit the pages on our site that deal more specifically with Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder to learn more about this personality type.

1. • You feel responsible for people’s feelings and believe you must ‘cheer up’ the people around you when they are unhappy or upset.

1. • You may believe that someone guessing your needs is a sign of love.

1. • Your happiness and goals are closely tied to what people think of you.

1. • If someone is upset with you (or in a bad mood) you will have trouble staying focused on your own life and goals and may feel your partner’s unhappiness somehow reflects that you have failed.

1. • You may expect support from your partner without asking and be upset if they don’t guess what you need.

1. • You may be emotionally demanding - using your moods to manipulate people into giving you love - i.e.. “I am sad, so you should take care of me!”

1. • You may suffer from psychosomatic illness and genuinely become sick because you are not getting the love and care you need.

1. • You look for reassurance and encouragement in all you take on and often seek this from people the least likely to give you this support.

“We want to help you start feeling secure and good about yourself

and moving into a new time in your life where you are loved,

respected and valued in your home and community.”

Codependence in Yourself

Codependence in Yourself Looks Like This ... 

Codependence - Where family dysfunction begins ... 

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