If you are experiencing chronic fighting

and lonliness in your marriage you may benefit

from an understanding of Codependency

We like to describe codependency as ‘emotional dependence,’ as I believe this describes it in easy to understand terms.

What is Codependency ... 

Codependency usually develops in a child growing up who feels they must keep an emotionally needy parent happy. From this experience they will come to believe that moods and negative emotions are things people need help dealing with and cannot process or regulate on their own.

As codependency is about emotional dependence, someone with these tendencies will have a hard time functioning if they are not in a relationship. They may even put their need for a relationship with a life partner before their own needs, security and goals. But because of the unhealthy amount of caretaking and attention they offer, codependents will usually attract narcissistic (self centered) partners who will thrive on the attention for a little while but then become distant and aggressive when they are expected to give attention in return.  

Codependency, just like narcissism is a form of immaturity that we believe with guidance people can grow out of with help and support ...

A person with codependent tendencies hasn’t learned

to regulate their own emotions and moods and so will be

dependent on others to ‘keep them happy’.

- What is Narcissism? - The many meanings of the word narcissism through history.

  1. -Narcissism Test

Narcissism tests can be misleading.

  1. -Are We Claiming a Cure for Narcissism? - No.

This site simply shares what we have learned on

our personal journey of recovery.

- Those Selfish Sneaky Brats - Meet the narcissists - an article on narcissism.

- Books on Narcissism - Our e-books and audio products at full price if you don’t wish to subscribe.

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Kim and Steve Cooper

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Kim Cooper

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Are You an Emotional Genius or Dunce?

Kim Cooper

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10 Steps to Overcome Codependence
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And because a person with codependent behaviour patterns spends so much time caring for other people’s emotions, they will usually feel they are owed this same kind of emotional caretaking in return.

This learned emotional neediness makes a codependent interfere with other family members need to process their own emotions.

For this reason codependency may lead a person not to get angry until they are ‘pushed too far’, when they may become manic, reactive or over emotional.

They will say, “I am sad and so you should take care of me”,  or, “I am angry and so you should feel guilty about what you have done.”

Then if their partner does not accept this role they will often start expecting one of their children to play emotional caretaker and the disorder is passed on to the next generation.

Codependency is more serious than it sounds and can cause a cascade of other problems within a family. Codependency will often lead to chronic long term physical illness and/or addictive behavior and so it could even be said that codependency kills.

Because a person with codependent tendencies will feel that keeping everyone happy and preserving the status quo is more important than looking out for themselves, unless everyone around the codependent is happy it will be hard for them to stick to their own plans and goals.

Then if their partner does not give them this attention, they will feel hurt and betrayed and will often display emotionally manipulative behaviour trying to get their family members to ‘care about them’ too.

Traits of Codependency

Codependency is a term used by psychologists to describe a whole range of characteristics and behaviors and many disagree on exactly what this term describes.

We have found the term codependency useful to describe the following characteristics;

Someone with these tendencies will feel responsible for the feelings of others and believe that they need to be involved in helping resolve the negative feelings of people they are close to.

If someone is upset with them (or in a bad mood) a codependent will have trouble staying focused on their own life and goals and may feel that their partner’s unhappiness reflects that they have somehow failed (“If he loved me he would be happy”).

A person with codependent tendencies happiness and goals will be tied to others estimation of them. They will look for validation, reassurance and encouragement in anything they take on and will often seek this from people the most unlikely to give them this type of support. They may expect support from a partner without them asking and be angry if their partner does not guess what they need. They may also believe that someone guessing their needs is a sign of love.

Codependency is about emotional dependence and someone with these tendencies will have a hard time functioning if they are not in a relationship and will often put their need for a relationship with a life partner before their own needs, security and goals.

A person with codependent tendencies will have trouble processing their own emotions and will expect help to feel better when they become upset and will often fail to take time to notice what their emotions are signaling about things that may require work or attention in their life.

They may have worked hard at ‘keeping a parent happy’ while growing up, while never talking about the real cause of that parents emotional instability (e.g.. alcoholism, depression, gambling or drug addiction). This early conditioning will leave this person an easy target for abuse later in life.

Just thought I would let my favorite couple of the world know everything is going great and it was mostly cause of you, thank you so much!

Tina G.

“Everything is going great ...”

- Narcissistic Personality Disorder In Your Partner

Are You Treated Differently in Private than in Public?

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Are Your Nerves Shattered from Hiding Your Shame?

Learn How I Ended the Emotional Abuse ...

3 Questions to Know it’s Not You Causing the Fights  ...

(Plus - 3 Things that Only Make the Fighting Worse)

Are you Codpependent?

Check the symptoms HERE.