Mental abuse in marriage is sometimes called ‘crazy making’.

This is when a person tries to convince their spouse they are ‘crazy’ to cover their own guilt about something they are hiding.

If they succeed in making their partner appear irrational and over emotional they may also attempt to make other people in their family and community believe their partner is unbalanced or ‘crazy’ too.

The perpetrator of mental abuse may be hiding affairs (while embezzling money from their family to finance these affairs) or embezzling money to finance their gambling or other addictions, or they may be simply hiding the shame of their lack of success in life by putting down their partner in this way.

Instead of admitting responsibility or guilt for their failings, the mental abuser will attempt to put the blame on someone else.

Most people take peoples’ word at face value and so this kind of family abuse can be hard to pick and extremely hurtful and destructive. Even if you know that someone has lied to you in the past, you may still feel wrong to feel suspicious of things that they are telling you today.

Therefore it is very important that victims of mental abuse learn not to feel guilty if they suspect their partner may be lying, but rather than get angry and emotional, learn how to calm down, self soothe and get help.

If you were never taught how to deal with embarrassment or shame growing up, it will be tempting to blame your feelings guilt or embarrassment on others and become something of ‘a rule unto yourself’. However, this will not only cause pain and frustration in the people close to you, but it will also severely stunt your own development and personal growth.

Because it is important for us to acknowledge our own mistakes to grow.

People who shift blame tend to cause chaos around them and even if this tactic works for a time, failure, disappointment and mental breakdown are all things to look forward to if you persist in the habit of blame.

While it takes considerable courage to admit our embarrassment for our mistakes, shortcomings and wrongdoings, most people will find it endearing, and if your contrition is genuine, may even offer their help.

Over time a person lying in this way would eventually be discovered and so the perpetrator of mental abuse may also run a policy of ‘divide and rule’. Spreading gossip and rumors that turn family and friends against each other to make it less likely they will get together and uncover the truth. 

What is Mental Abuse?

Turning people against each other may also be a way for the abuser to position themselves as the ‘favorite’ amongst the people in their life. 

The abuser may also fear abandonment and believe that emotionally crippling and isolating their partner is a way to prevent them from leaving.

They may do this to gain sympathy while hiding their own bad behaviour.

Mental Abuse

Why do people inflict mental abuse on their spouse?

What if I am guilty of mental abuse?

What do I do if I am a victim of mental abuse?

Just because you can’t directly control this person’s behaviour to make them stop doesn’t mean you are powerless. In fact by shifting your own behaviour patterns you can massively influence both sides of your relationship.

Other symptoms of a Narcissistic / Codependent Marriage ...