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Narcissism & Codependence Checklist

Symptoms of Narcissism (as related to Narcissistic Personality Disorder)

Symptoms of Codependence

“Steve and I are not doctors. We are a couple who once faced the same problems you may be experiencing and have worked through these problems successfully. The checklists here are from our own layman’s perspective and are not meant to be used for diagnosis -- instead they are aimed at helping you make these concepts useful in a practical way in your life.”

Please Note: These are not diseases and there are no drugs specific to treating the conditions above, nor should these symptoms checklists be used for professional diagnosis.


Most abusive relationships feature a dance of Narcissism and Codependency between the two partners (to some degree). Stereotypes portray men as more generally narcissistic and women codependent but this is certainly not always the case. The two sets of behavior (which we believe are both forms of immaturity) play into each other and each partner blames the other instead of facing their own need to grow up.

A couple may also (in different situations) swap roles. Alcohol for instance will trigger narcissistic behavior in some people.

Narcissists rarely seek help and instead blame others for their problems, where codependents tend to know that something is wrong and will blame themselves (more than they should) and spend a lot of time working on ‘fixing’ themselves. For this reason, our advice focuses primarily on helping people learn to deal with their codependent tendencies and learn to set better boundaries and hold their spouse accountable, while also working on their own emotional maturity. It is our experience that these changes can in fact help both partners. It should be stressed however that this does not mean that the codependent is responsible for their partner’s bad behavior or abuse or that a person with narcissistic tendencies cannot work on improving the way they relate to others. We do have material available to help with this too.

We feel very strongly that this is the best first option in helping couples resolve their fighting, because a couple separating will usually leave the underlying problem unresolved. After separating in many cases each partner will end up in another abusive relationship and the terrain may then become even more difficult and dangerous to navigate for their children and themselves.

Our Ebooks & Audio Products

The Love Safety Net Workbook
4 Skills to Build a Great Marriage

Kim and Steve Cooper

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The Little Book of Empathy Love

& Friendship
Are You treated like puppy or like a bug?

Kim Cooper

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Emotional Stupidity
Are You an Emotional Genius or Dunce?

Kim Cooper


Loveable Me
Self Soothing Relaxation Audio

Kim and Steve Cooper


Reconnect -

Appreciation and Respect
Conversation Topics for Groups

Kim and Steve Cooper

10 Steps to Overcome Codependence
Are You Always Waiting for them to Call?

Kim Cooper


"Narcissism and Codependence are major factors

in chronic marital fighting. We have gone public

with our story to help couples recognize and deal

with this common problem."

  1. Bullet Two faced’ - puts friends and family down behind their back.

  1. Bullet  Blames others for their failures and lack of success.

  1.   A different person in private than in public.

  1.   Irresponsible and unreliable (often trading off others hard work).

  1.      Arrogant, acting superior to family and close friends.

  1.    Lives in a fantasy world which may include porn, romance novels, flirting, affairs, computer games and dreams of fame and success.

  1. Kim and Steve Cooper Smiling  May be addicted to this fantasy oriented behavior.

  1. Kim and Steve Cooper are Your Hosts at The Love Safety Net  May have other addictions such as alcohol, tobacco, gambling, drugs, shopping, and/or sex.

  1. Distressed women with man flirting in background.   Will lie and distort facts and change the events of history to suit their own agenda.

  1.   May use people, steal and be irresponsible with money.

  1.   Distant and emotionally unavailable unless they want something.

  1.      Lacking empathy for others; especially the people they exploit.

  1.   Controlling and often unable to relax.

  1.   May appear charming and even humble in public.

  1. Bullet Provokes people and then blames them for the fight.

  1. Bullet Will have trouble admitting their mistakes.

  1. Bullet  May need help from others to deal with their emotional states - needing help to “cheer up” and feel good about themselves or to get over setbacks and disappointments.

  1. Bullet  Will take a long time to calm down after becoming upset.

  1. Bullet  Will need their partner’s approval to feel good about themselves or feel able to move on with their goals or plans.

  1. Bullet  Bad at handling put downs and disrespect.

  1. Bullet  May expect people (they obviously shouldn’t trust) to be kind and play fair.

  1. Bullet  Will often feel at the mercy of their moods and emotions.

  1. Bullet  May be addicted to alcohol, tobacco and/or prescription medication and drugs.

  1. Bullet  May blame their addictions on the bad behavior of others in their life.

  1. Bullet  May be obsessed with their relationship with their partner.

  1. Bullet  May complain a lot and expect their partner to lead in improving their life.

  1. Bullet  May long for a hero to ‘save’ them.

Back from The Looking Glass
Living with the Disorder

that Causes Domestic Abuse ...

Kim and Steve Cooper


- Affairs (physical, emotional & fantasy)

Relationship Experts - Because We’ve Been There!

NOTE: If you have just discovered that your husband or wife has narcissistic tendencies it is very important that you do not confront them with this information

without first subscribing and getting our advice.

- Narcissistic Personality Disorder In Your Partner

Are You Treated Differently in Private than in Public?

  1. -Narcissistic Personality Disorder In Yourself

Are Your Nerves Shattered from Hiding Your Shame?

  1. -Codependency in Yourself

Do You Give Your Best but it is Never Enough?

  1. -Codependency in Your Partner

Has Your Relationship Become a Depressing Chore?

- Narcissistic Personality Disorder In Your Partner

Are You Treated Differently in Private than in Public?

  1. -Narcissistic Personality Disorder In Yourself

Are Your Nerves Shattered from Hiding Your Shame?