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Narcissistic Personality Disorder 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder can cause fights in your home that

may include verbal abuse, insults and name calling that even escalates

into violence. Steve and I have gone public with our story in the hope

we can help you learn to recognize and deal with this common disorder.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a way of describing the behavior of a person who is haughty, arrogant and competitive and can never admit they are wrong.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder often pair up with a codependent partner who will feed their need for attention and who will lack the confidence and knowledge to stand up for themselves (see Codependency).

Kim Cooper

As people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder do not believe there is anything wrong with them, very few people with this disorder are diagnosed and many psychologists believe it to be incurable.

Confabulation - Changing or making up events from the past to suit a person’s own purpose or agenda.

Supply - People suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder are said to be addicted to attention - and anyone who provides this attention will sometimes be called their ‘supply’.

Scapegoating  - People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder scape-goat their deficiencies on other people and may choose a partner who is less socially skilled than themselves who has a lot of natural anxiety or guilt (see codependency).

- What is Narcissism? - The many meanings of the word narcissism through history.

  1. -Narcissism Test

Narcissism tests can be misleading.

  1. -Are We Claiming a Cure for Narcissism? - No.

This site simply shares what we have learned on

our personal journey of recovery.

- Those Selfish Sneaky Brats - Meet the narcissists - an article on narcissism.

- Books on Narcissism - Our e-books and audio products at full price if you don’t wish to subscribe.

Our Ebooks & Audio Products

The Love Safety Net Workbook
4 Skills to Build a Great Marriage

Kim and Steve Cooper

Five Stars

The Little Book of Empathy Love

& Friendship
Are You treated like puppy or like a bug?

Kim Cooper

Five Stars

Emotional Stupidity
Are You an Emotional Genius or Dunce?

Kim Cooper

Five Stars

Loveable Me
Self Soothing Relaxation Audio

Kim and Steve Cooper

Five Stars

Reconnect -

Appreciation and Respect
Conversation Topics for Groups

Kim and Steve Cooper

Five Stars
Read More
Read More
The Love Safety Net Workbook Cover
Emotional Stupidity Cover
Lovable Me Cover
Back from the Looking Glass Cover
Read More
Read More

10 Steps to Overcome Codependence
Are You Always Waiting for them to Call?

Kim Cooper

Five Stars
Read More
Read More
The Little Book of Empathy Love and Friendship cover.
  1. -Codependence in Yourself

Do you give your best but it is never enough?

  1. -Codependence in Your Partner

Has your relationship become a depressing chore?

Back from The Looking Glass
Living with the Disorder

that Causes Domestic Abuse ...

Kim and Steve Cooper

Five Stars
Read More

A more simple term for narcissistic personality disorder is false pride.

Dear Kim and Steve,

I grew up with a narcissistic father who only made me feel special for being HIS son.

He would say to my face as a young teenager “You are my alibi”, as if this was an honor and the most important thing I could ever hope to be. He made it out to be a special role I was playing in his life. Being his alibi meant that over the years I was expected to lie to my family and cover for his immoral and illegal behaviour, even if that meant I had to take the blame for him and suffer the consequences.

Most of the time I only kept his secrets because I didn’t want to hurt the people in my family he would constantly lie to. Mainly because of his influence, I did and said many things that I have since spent years living ashamed of. I hurt people close to me too by making poor choices that Dad would have approved of.

All my life, my father told terrible lies about everyone that I love (including my mother and my wife) and used these lies as excuses for his own immoral, criminal and selfish bad habits to continue in secrecy.

I haven’t been able to help him. He has cut me out of his family and now tells his parents (my grandparents), my step mother (who I adore) and my aunt terrible things about me -- but with your help, thank God, I have escaped becoming like him and have saved my own family and kids. Since you helped my wife I no longer have secrets from my family and now we have become a team.

This disorder is no joke and I am not surprised that doctors have no idea how to deal with it. My father is the most charming, decietful and manipulative man you could ever meet and divides everyone against each other. When my family needed a thoughtful and practical approach to our problem, the established support agencies had little to offer. Your books gave us the help and hope we so desparately needed.

Thankyou for sharing your story. You saved our family from a dark and terrible place that once lived inside of me. 

(Name withheld)

Arrogance is NOT the only test for narcissism

This person will always put their needs and interests (no matter how irresponsible or immature) first and blame other people for their failures and mistakes (see Narcissistic Personality Disorder in Your Partner). You may also notice they criticize people behind their back.

- Affairs (physical, emotional & fantasy)

Kim and Steve Cooper
Kim and Steve are Your hosts at

Relationship Experts - Because We’ve Been There!

Distressed woman
10 Steps to Overcome Codependece cover
Back from the Looking Glass Cover

Sadly these couples will most likely pass these same behaviour patterns onto their kids.

Traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

A person with these tendencies will be two-faced; charming and polite in public, but critical, rude, arrogant, sarcastic and passive/aggressive in private; often to the people who give them the most love and support.

This person will pretend to have high standards, but in reality will be low in perfectionism: being flakey, hypocritical or an outright phony or fake. They will not follow through on promises and may trade off other people’s hard work or reputation. They will spend their energy seeking people to admire them or who they can vent their negativity and aggression on, either directly by put downs, sarcasm or passive/aggression (provoking fights so they can vent their aggression) or by talking people down.

A person with narcissistic personality disorder will shift blame and become aggressive if anyone attempts to hold them accountable. They will not accept responsibility for their failings and will blame their mistakes and/or bad behavior on other people.

Sexually this person may seduce and abandon partners including the person they marry. This may be a cover for performance anxiety. There is often a pattern of seducing and abandoning lovers, friends or anyone they can make their ‘fan’. (Note: some narcissists are cerebral and think themselves “above sex” altogether and instead pride themselves on their intelligence and academic achievements or being ‘unwinable’).

A lack of empathy and high self interest, mixed with a particular cunning, charm and ability to manipulate others will make this person difficult and a potentially abusive person to live with. They will think nothing of financially or sexually exploiting their partner, while also blaming their weaknesses and shortcomings on them.

Someone with narcissistic traits may hinder any attempt by their partner to improve their strength or self worth. After knocking them down the person with  narcissistic personlity disorder will then try and stop their partner getting back on their feet to get on with their life (or get away). They may encourage their partner and then ‘knock them back down’ (like Lucy towards Charlie Brown in ‘the Peanuts’).

NPD is a disorder and not a disease. There are no blood tests for psychological disorders and different professionals may diagnose the same person in different ways. Instead the term Narcissistic Personality Disorder describes a pattern of behavior which can be very pervasive.

Most importantly a Narcissist is a human being and should not be treated like a monster, or worse, as an ‘it’. As unfair and damaging as a relationship with this type of person may be, we believe it is healthier to use straightforward descriptive words about their bad behavior, rather than relying on labels to describe them. It would be more correct and useful in most situations for instance to say “Lucy lied to me” than to say “Lucy is an N or Lucy is a narcissist.”

As common as the suggestion is that you must run or “get away” from this type of person, we believe it is important for family members of a person with these tendencies to learn to stand up for themselves and hold their ground. This response will be highly beneficial for everyone in the family including the person with narcissistic traits. Their behavior will not improve on it’s own however and it is a mistake to try and appeal to this person’s sense of fairness or better nature or expect them to be the one responsible for ‘changing’.

“You're providing the "impossible to find ...”

Please write more. The broken hearts in this world need to identify with others and know there's spiritual help/friendship while they heal. You're providing the "impossible to find" these days. And even more, you're providing instructions for how to not cast the so-called permanently damaged out into the cold. 

Hugs and love, 

Kathy WaldenUSA

- Narcissistic Personality Disorder In Your Partner

Are You Treated Differently in Private than in Public?

  1. -Narcissistic Personality Disorder In Yourself

Are Your Nerves Shattered from Hiding Your Shame?

NOTE: If you discover that your husband or wife has narcissistic tendencies it is very important that you do not confront them with this information without first subscribing and getting our advice.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not a Disease

Are You Treated Different in Private than in Public?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder in Your Partner

Are Your Nerves Shattered from Hiding Your Shame?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder in Yourself

Terms that Relate to Narcissistic Personality Disorder