Scapegoating is when you blame your problems on something or someone else. The person you blame is called your scapegoat.
A person with Narcissistic tendencies may choose a partner to be their foil; looking for someone who is less socially confident or perhaps emotionally over reactive. These problems will make a person an easy target to be scapegoated as will being generally anxious or feeling a lot of shame and guilt.
People with Narcissistic tendencies will often blame their bad behaviour on their partner. This may include them saying that the only reason they have affairs or seek attention outside their family is because their partner is angry, jealous or complains too much. It also may include them accusing their partner of being crazy (see our page on mental abuse) to justify just about anything they want to do that is not in their families best interests.
Becoming more emotionally mature and facing your own problems and working on them as well as learning better relationships skills and to set effective boundaries will help you stop being a soft target as a scape goat. You need to be aware however that in the beginning this may cause your partner to behave even worse, trying to knock you off balance and back to your old ways of reacting that make it easy for them to blame you .
No matter how much you feel you are the innocent victim of your partners bad behaviour statistics show that if you simply leave your partner (and put all the blame on them for your relationship problems) you are like to form exactly the same type of relationship again in the future.
Scapegoating
What is Scapegoating?
Some common things people scapegoat on their partner
What makes a person likely to be used as a scapegoat?
How do I stop being scapegoated?
A codependent on the other hand will be more likely to blame their addictions, moods and other negative emotional states on their partners behaviour. This may include emotional immaturity where they are more concerned with their partner helping them feel better or trying to get them to ‘make up’ rather than effectively setting boundaries against being exploited.
"Do you and your partner blame your mistakes and weaknesses on each other? This is sometimes known as scapegoating"
Our Ebooks & Audio Products
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder In Your Partner
Are You Treated Different in Private than in Public?
Are Your Nerves Shattered from Hiding Your Shame?
This is very common in a Narcissistic / Codependent Marriage with each partner blaming their bad behaviour and emotional immaturity on the other instead of facing the areas their own life that need work.
Gain Instant Access to the Private Areas of Our Site ...
3 Questions to Know it’s Not You Causing the Fights ...
(Plus - 3 Things that Only Make the Fighting Worse)
Other Symptoms of a Narcissistic / Codependent Marriage ...
- Affairs (physical, emotional & fantasy)
Do you give your best but it is never enough?
Has your relationship become a depressing chore?
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder In Your Partner
Are You Treated Differently in Private than in Public?
Are Your Nerves Shattered from Hiding Your Shame?
This does not mean that you are to blame or that there is nothing you can do to protect yourself. We want to help you learn to stand up for yourself effectively. This may or may not earn your partners respect - but even if you still separate because their bad behaviour continues it will leave you in a much better position.
A codependent may treat their children in the same way. For example they may blame their drinking on their child's bad behaviour rather than doing something proactive about their child's behaviour problems.
Back from The Looking Glass
Living with the Disorder
that Causes Domestic Abuse ...
Kim and Steve Cooper
Relationship Experts - Because We’ve Been There!
- Affairs (physical, emotional & fantasy)
©MODPOD2012
PLEASE NOTE - Kim and Steve are not therapists or doctors, but their advice is well researched and has been reviewed by professional mental health practitioners and includes qualified advice from many sources including Social Services and the Police. Please note that you may however still want to read this Disclaimer and Privacy Policy before getting advice from this site or their books.