- Narcissistic Personality Disorder In Your Partner
Are You Treated Differently in Private than in Public?
Are Your Nerves Shattered from Hiding Your Shame?
(+3 Things You do Everyday that Only Make the Fighting Worse)
Are You Causing the Fights?
3 Questions to Know it’s Not You ...
- What is Narcissism? - The many meanings of the word narcissism through history.
Narcissism tests can be misleading.
This site simply shares what we have learned on
our personal journey of recovery.
- Those Selfish Sneaky Brats - Meet the narcissists - an article on narcissism.
- Books on Narcissism - Our e-books and audio products at full price if you don’t wish to subscribe.
Do you give your best but it is never enough?
Has your relationship become a depressing chore?
“You're providing the "impossible to find ...”
Please write more. The broken hearts in this world need to identify with others and know there's spiritual help/friendship while they heal. You're providing the "impossible to find" these days. And even more, you're providing instructions for how to not cast the so-called permanently damaged out into the cold.
Hugs and love,
Kathy WaldenUSA
“I don't know what I'd do without your encouragement ...”
Kim, Thank you for your wonderful emails, I don't know what I'd do without your encouragement.
Henry
“Please keep the mail coming, it is a lifeline to me ...”
Kim I Will be brief but sincere,
Thank you for everything. I am sure you don’t know how much impact you have. It is very comforting to know you are there.
Please keep the mail coming, it is a lifeline to me ...
S
Testimonials
“Respect has become a vital part of our relationship ...”
Dear Kim & Steve, Before this year has gone, I wish to thank you both most sincerely for helping me save my marriage.
At the beginning of this year, all seemed hopeless and my husband and I had separated under very unpleasant circumstances.
Totally distressed and unable to make sense of my husband's behaviour,
I stumbled upon your website 'by accident'. This, as well as your wonderful emails and podcasts helped me to gradually understand what had been going on in my marriage.
Nine months later, my husband and I are back together (and have been since May). We are both very happy and respect has become a vital part of our relationship. It has taken time and great patience to rebuild trust, but our friendship is stronger than ever and for the first time I feel he respects me for who I am.
Every day is a blessing, even though there is still work to be done.
We would not be together today if it were not for your wonderful website and positive message. I am sure many people have already said this, but please never doubt the good you both do.
God bless you and yours this Christmas!
Eleana Kerr
(Australia)
“You have comforted me so many times when I have been lonely sad and felt unsupported and beside myself with worry ...”
Dear Kim,
Thank you for being the person you are! I have been accessing your information for about 3 years now and knew that the information that u share was special straight away.
I have spent a lot of time and effort educating myself. You have comforted me so many times when I have been lonely sad and felt unsupported and beside myself with worry.
I am codependent and I have been working on me with a lovely lady Louise Donovan for three years and have just recently left her. I have been on some journey. But u helped me understand the dynamics of co dependent relationships like no other recourse as I was feeling and thinking along the same lines but couldn't find the information that backed me up. It is never my turn with my partner and that is why I am compelled to say thanks to you for your courage to do what you have.
You are a truly amazing mother, wife and a role model to women like me. I have not purchased any of your courses but will be in the future as now I will use the money I save from counseling to do that. I appreciate you offering discounts and could not imagine how much effort u have put in over the years as half the time I feel just depressed and not understood.
I am sure you will be blessed.
Thank you again,
Tracy
Just thought I would let my favorite couple of the world know everything is going great and it was mostly cause of you, thank you so much!
Tina G.
“Everything is going great ...”
“I feel the first sense of peace I have felt in a very long time ...”
Dear Kim,
I just wanted to let you know that I have only just discovered your site and read the first few pages of the e-book Back from the Looking Glass. I am at a place in my life where I thought there was no hope. I used to be strong. Every time there is an episode it is worse and I feel as if there is less hope; even to the point of being suicidal.
After reading JUST the first few pages I know you are onto something. I know it like a truth so deep I cannot even put it into words. Already, there is a huge weight off of me. A few minutes ago taking a shower felt impossible. The reason I am so sure is that through all of this with my husband WHO I KNOW LOVES ME, I knew that somewhere the wires had gotten crossed in his childhood. I think that his mother may even have molested him. I think that there are some things that are buried very deep. And, I felt this at a gut level before I ever found you.
I also knew that part of what had attracted me to him was how I was with my 3 awesome children. He was looking for what he never got and was robbed of what every child deserves. Little did we know that he would (and that I would allow him) to drive the very thing that he coveted out of me, while simultaneously destroying and taking that woman from her children as well.
I don't know where your book will lead this family, but I know that it will be to someplace better than we are. What you gave me today was a powerful message that I am not crazy or self-loathing because I love my husband. I thought there was something wrong with me that I somehow liked being treated badly and that I was deeply emotionally ill for loving someone who on the surface can't love me back. It was a horrible conflict of heart and mind and I feel the first sense of peace I have felt in a very long time.
Tricia
“May God bless YOU... your efforts ... and your results ...”
Thank for all your hard work.....putting this information out.....and getting in print. I am learning a great deal from your efforts....and when I "apply it" in my life....it's working incredibly!!
At times I get a little "lost"...but through your books, shared experiences and recommended reading/listening...all of these things are helping me to find my way back so that I can gain control of my life. It's creating an new awareness and providing me with the tools for learning "Emotional
Intelligence".
Seeing my world from a new angle...and Loving it!! Feeling like I'm a success...not a failure.
Can't thank you enough!!
May God Bless YOU...your efforts....and your results....
Annie
CO
“He is suddenly flowing with loving kindness towards me. It's incredible! ...”
I have found your approach has changed my perspective entirely. I had identified that I was co-dependent, but all of your information about narcissistic personality traits and how they interact with co-dependents rang so true. And the result of the subtle changes in my attitude and all this reading and beginning this emotional work of my own? - he is suddenly flowing with loving kindness towards me. It's incredible!
I have a new faith in this relationship which I was basically ready to walk out on, until I realised that I would probably just do the same thing all over again and never understand why.
So, thank you for your writing and your research into this area - I have to say this is the only really practical information I have come across that makes sense - and really works!
Best wishes,
Elaine
You are quite simply the most incredible inspiration in my life ... Elsie
“I discovered that what my husband has said about me for years as far as my narcissistic and selfish traits go are absolutely true ...”
Kim and Steve, Every day I am more hopeful and (prayerful) that finding the Love Safety Net might possibly save my marriage.
We have been together for 14 years
and have four small children.
Because my husband has a couple of mental diagnosis I slipped into a terrible habit of blaming him more and more for things that were going wrong in our lives... from the big to the small. Of course, I took credit for all the good things because naturally he couldn’t be responsible for anything good and only someone as great as I could be responsible for the good stuff! Right?
Well I discovered that what my husband has said about me for years as far as my narcissistic and selfish traits go are absolutely true.
He would tell me this after seeing his psychiatrists and I would tell him he was crazy. After all he is the one with the "problems." What I have discovered is that his biggest problem was ME.
You have the first resource
I have ever found that I identified with
and it was your website that first made me even open my mind to the fact
that I am the problem. I can never thank you enough!!!!!!!! Please keep us in your prayers.
Tammi
“We have more than our money's worth of value from these texts ...”
Dear Kim and Steve - You are generous beyond compare and great to have as confidantes.
We have both books, and would enjoy your discount offer, but it isn't necessary. We have more than our money's worth of value from these texts.
Thanks and keep up the work, it's a great help.
Saindon
“I went from despair and hatred to a peaceful pleasant person and my husband from being a miserable, mean, angry person with major problems with alcohol addiction to someone who now is pleasant to me most of the time, not yelling and swearing at me and seems genuinely happier ...”
Dear Steve,
I have been reading Kim's books for 2 weeks now and what a difference in my life! No more huge fights,my husband has really responded to the changes in me, so much so that as of tomorrow he is going to go on the "Seven Weeks To Sobriety" program as that site you mentioned - healthrecovery was indeed a very helpful site - it turns out I already had that book as well! This is entirely his decision and I feel I owe you and Kim a big THANK YOU! The information in your books has helped me to work on being someone my husband could trust and rely on - I went from despair and hatred to a peaceful pleasant person (of course I will always be working on that) and my husband went from being a miserable, mean, angry person who had major problems with alcohol addiction to someone who now is pleasant to me most of the time, not yelling and swearing at me and seems genuinely happier.
I am no longer trying to make him quit drinking and have accepted things as a fact he may never quit but now I can deal with things with love and kindness. I have seen many counsellors, ministers,women's outreach etc. (mostly the advice has been to leave my husband) over the last 35 years and no one has ever come close to helping as much as these last 2 weeks of trying to put into practice the advice in Kim's books! I'm struggling to put into words how this has changed me - I just hope that you can understand how much less stress I feel. I'm sure I will be writing back from time to time to update you guys
Thanks - sincerely
Sharlane
“I read one of the emails you sent me yesterday, and just that alone helped me to understand a great deal already of what i'm dealing with and what I'm going thru ... ”
Hello Kim and Good Morning to you!
Thank you so much for replying so fast to my email... YOU ARE SO APPRECIATED.....
I know your workbook is going to help me so much in learning the skills and boundaries i need to set up for my self regarding the relationship i'm in. I read one of the emails you sent me yesterday, and just on that alone, it helped me to understand a great deal already of what i'm dealing with and what i'm going thru and to think differently and have a better approach and understanding with my partner and the relationship... in just a few days alone, since i wrote and subscribed to your support/email list and the feedback i have gotten from you and the site has already helped me out a great deal.. I'm so Thankful that i found your site and all the help you have sent me alone with the newsletter's. I am truly grateful to you and your site... Again thank you so much you are helping many other's and me alone a great deal..
May God Bless you for all that
your doing thru your site ...
Misheal
“I swear to God you saved my life ...”
I am in San Diego, California.
You guys may have saved my life. I got so broken. Physically. Accidents. Seizures. Left 11-12 times last year starting the day after he won the big election he couldn't have without our family picture and the family man status.
But oh my God.
Kim is a hero and so are you for going public. I swear to god you saved my life. Thanks for taking the time and my best,
Cindy Black
“I appreciate both or your perspectives. It is amazingly refreshing...”
Thank you for the continued encouragement by your consistent newsletters and the direction to stand up in the right way. That is effective and I am looking forward to learning more. I appreciate both or your perspectives. It is amazingly refreshing.
“All of this is far more effective than the many voluminous self-help books out there.
All good to you! ...”
Steve, please (you and Kim) quote what I said about the value of your ebooks, if that would help you respond when novices suggest that more pages would give them more value. No way! More verbiage just gets in the way. Getting your experiential advise, learning the 'ropes', letting the new knowledge sink in until a 'critical mass' of insight and empowerment accumulates and doing the exercises you suggest - all of this is far more effective than the many voluminous self-help books out there. All good to you!
Kate RH
Comment by Kate Reese Hurd,
“Things are more civil here ...”
Hi, I did buy back from the looking glass and your workbook. I am reading it now and
already started some changes, and things are more civil here. Thank you
Mimi Johnson
“If it wasn't for you I would not have much hope ...”
Hi Kim.... I love your work. Thank you so much for offering to us. If it wasn't for you I would not have much hope that there would be a marriage left for my husband and I.
Missi
“Kim and Steven’s work is fantastic and life changing. Even if a marriage still fails, it will fail more gently than what happens currently ...”
As a Health and Safety Practitioner, I feel that my opinion on preventing one of the leading causes of death amongst women in our society, at their own hand or during a row with their husband/partner
is absolutely essential. Dysfunctional relationships caused or exacerbated by narcissism are a leading cause of misery in society today, and are linked with emotional immaturity on both sides of the male female connection.
We owe it to the next generation, now that we have so much more knowledge, to put this wisdom to work.
I ended up leaving my narcissistic husband in 1997, putting my children through a great deal of pain, because I didn't have the benefit Kim and Stevens materials. With that help, I may have been able to save our marriage. We tried the usual interventions, but the marriage guidance counsellors had no idea what was going on and told me that my only choice was to end the marriage to save my own sanity.
Please allow this brilliant work to be made available to more women, to prevent the misery of divorce for their children, and the cost to the family and society in general.
Whatever we are doing isn't working at the moment, Kim and Stevens work is fantastic and life changing. Even if a marriage still fails, it will fail more gently than what happens currently.
Simone Plaut, London, UK.
Simone Plaut MSc CMIOSH
“Fixing my codependence, fixed up my life with everyone around ...”
Hi and Thanks!
Reading through your books on co dependence and narcissism were truly wonderful and it really help understand myself and my situation. I worked from the books and helped correct my situation. Hope this testimonial can help further your cause in support of correcting peoples situation and showing them the right path.
Fixing my co dependence, fixed up my life with everyone around.
Cheers,
Anju
“Thank you for the support ...”
Hi Kim! I have purchased back from the looking glass and the love safety net workbook. Me and my girlfriend are using these to deal with my narcissism.
It has been very helpful for us. Thank you for the support.
Kind Regards,
Johan
Our Ebooks & Audio Products
Back from The Looking Glass
Living with the Disorder
that Causes Domestic Abuse ...
Kim and Steve Cooper
Relationship Experts - Because We’ve Been There!
- Affairs (physical, emotional & fantasy)
“Without your book, I KNOW that I would not have been able to initiate the changes that needed to happen for us to both be the adults we could really be ...
-
-Our kids thank you for it.
-
-My family thanks you for it.
-
-My friends thank you for it ...”
-
I work for a non governmental organisation in New Zealand, we specialise in addictions and family support. I am professionally very successful in my field and mother to 2 children and step mother to my partners daughter also.
To other people I look like I have it all sorted: the likable successful guy, the great job and nice kids. But I also knew the odds were stacked against us being a permanent family as the failure rate of blended families is very high (60% in NZ).
I don't think I need to go into great detail on my partners behaviour - On reading your book I thought he might even be related to your Steve, such were the similarities.. the fantasies, the lies, the ego-seeking behaviour, problems with money/porn/other women being led on, the bullying and threatening me. And this guy is a Rescue Helicopter Paramedic, it defied my understanding that he had two such VERY different sides!! I used to called him Jekyll and Hyde ...
We have been to counselling (individual and couple and even a tripartite set of sessions with his ex-wife!) - I have read all the 'classic' books on relationship building (Men are from Mars, You Can heal Your Life, the list goes on and on and on..) etc. On reading your book "Through the Looking Glass" I FINALLY found a perspective that acknowledged the conflicting parts of such a dysfunctional relationship. (That leaving is not an option,that my codependency was as much a part of the equation as his narcissism etc).
That was over 2 years ago. We are a vastly different couple now. Even he cannot believe how different we are to each other. I truly thought I was going to be stuck with a "man-child" for the rest of my life, and I would be just a shadow.. doing the 'right' things but merely existing, nothing more. I saw my mother do this... I know how it goes....
Without your book, I KNOW that I would not have been able to initiate the changes that needed to happen for us to both be the adults we could really be.
- Our kids thank you for it. (They have the family that they love)
- My family thanks you for it. (They can see their aspirations for me to succeed in life are met)
- My friends thank you for it. (My relationship no longer dominates my every waking thought - I am no longer a walking zombie!) My partner thanks you for it - He found your book under our bed 2 months ago and was so interested he read it!! He didn't feel betrayed/upset that I looked for help to have a loving a connected functional relationship with him.
Incidentally, I only received your book because I emailed you through your website and I said that I couldn't put it on our credit card as he controlled all spending....
You gifted the book to me.
Without your generosity and altruism, well, none of this would have been possible.
Since things are better now and I have my own financial independence,
I have recently gone on to order 2 of your other books and when I have worked through those and the challenges they set for my growth and development, I'll no doubt order the next one that looks useful to me.
With all my thanks,
Lisa Lawrence - 2IC
©MODPOD2011
PLEASE NOTE - Kim is not a therapist or doctor, but her advice is well researched and has been reviewed by professional mental health practitioners and includes qualified advice from many sources including Social Services and the Police. Please note that you may however still want to read this Disclaimer and Privacy Policy before using this site or her products.