The good news is that recovery is possible and it only takes one person changing their ‘steps’ to end the downward spiral.
Let’s eavesdrop on a few couple’s talking about their Narcissistic / Codependent Marriage ...
Steve and I were once caught in this dance and the downward spiral continued for 10 long years!
The dance is one of mutual destruction and no matter how frightful the cycle of fighting becomes, the partners may seem to become “locked in step” and unable to break free.
We believe the secret to a better relationship is not changing partners but instead learning new and better relationship skills.
What is the Narcissistic / Codependence Marriage?
Our Ebooks & Audio Products
The Narcissistic / Codependent Marriage
In this marriage the partners blame and hurt each other, while each ones ‘steps’ mirrors the other; with one parter moving closer as the other moves away.
Many people will tell you that the narcissist is the only abuser in this type of relationship - but you should know that the pattern of codependency is abusive and destructive in it’s own ways too.
This site offers information on the symptoms and negative effects of the Codependent / Narcissistic marriage and behavior you will need to unlearn for your marriage to improve.
Our books teach the steps you will need to take to create change and include the principles of a healthy and deeply satisfying home life.
Steve and I are not psychologists, but as I have lived through this change in our marriage I know first hand that improving your relationship does NOT depend on any of the following myths ...
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Myth 1. Women need to feel they have been heard. - This may be true sometimes, but if a woman is emotionally immature and wanting her partner to fulfill infantile or childish emotional needs, doing what it takes for her to feel heard may at the same time suck the very life out of her marriage. The truth is that both partners need to emotionally mature if the level of intimacy in their relationship is to grow beyond emotional neediness.
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Myth 2. A man justs need ‘space’ and his own den or shed. - If this is to lock himself away and feed his porn addiction or play fantasy computer games or watch reality TV, this is not a recipe for growth but a sure path to conflict.
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Myth 3. A couple needs to put plenty of time aside for talking through their feelings. - This kind of talk is often draining and counter productive and will see the codependent trying to play psychologist to their spouse. We suggest the exact opposite which is that in most N/C marriages at least one partner needs to become effective at ending non productive conversations.
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Myth 4. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. - If a couple spends time together practicing healthy relationship habits it should build trust and rapport - NOT create boredom or disrespect. Absence -- when the bonds in a relationship are not healthy and strong -- will instead usually lead to unfaithfulness / affairs.
The answers you have looked for are all here on this site. Take time to read and discover new ways of handling disrespect while also becoming infinitely more attractive and influential. Otherwise where will you be in 10 years? Still feeling lonely and in need of a hero?
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Myth 5. People (especially if they are older) never change. - Learning new relationship skills is in fact easier when we are older. If people don’t have role models to learn healthy skills however, they will tend to swap roles from marriage to marriage by being Narcissistic in their first marriage and then codependent in their second. If we can so easily change from one unhealthy role to an other unhealthy role - why not take the time to learn a better role, which will bring you love instead of loneliness and despair?
Instead (and starting today) we want to help lead you step by step to becoming your own hero!
Codependent Wife: “Why am I the only one who cares!”
Narcissistic Husband: “Why won’t she just give me some space!”
Codependent Husband: “She is coldhearted and cruel, she only wants me here to keep paying her bills.”
Codependent Wife: “I have become sick (and fear I might be dying) from his lack of love and attention towards me.”
Narcissistic Husband:“She is a nightmare and I would rather be anywhere but home!”
Narcissistic Husband: “Is it any wonder I cheat on her with the way she whines and nags?”
Codependent Wife: “He is awful and provokes me when I try and be loving and nice.”
or
The saying “It takes two to Tango” does not
describe the beautiful dance that is the Tango,
but rather the very ugly and debilitating ‘dance’
or
or
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3 Questions to Know it’s Not You Causing the Fights ...
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Back from The Looking Glass
Living with the Disorder
that Causes Domestic Abuse ...
Kim and Steve Cooper
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Our Steps to a Peaceful Home Program is comprised of Back From the Looking Glass and The Love Safety Net Workbook which you can purchase at full price Here.
I love the videos and the information that you send in emails to me. Thank you so much and please keep them coming. They are a marriage saver and are helping me take control back of my life and giving me the tools I need to make my marriage improve.
The difference in me is making a difference in my husband's behavior towards me.
Thank you so much!
Sandra B.
Kim, I don’t know if this email will actually get to you, but I wanted to thank you for your emails, they give me hope and I feel very warm hearted whenever I get an email from you.
This is a very difficult time in my life and one of the best things I have ever done was put my email address into your website.
Thank you for your support.
Ashley R.
“One of the best things I have ever
done.”
“I love the videos ...”
Do You Have Married Friends Who Call or Sleep on Your Couch When They Fight?
Don’t want to share your email address?
Divorce usually doesn’t end the fights and can even make the abuse worse.
The verbal abuse and violence can be inflicted by both women and men.
At first the fights are only verbal and then over time violence creeps in and the fighting gets worse?
Our short ebook 'Back from the Looking Glass' offers 13 steps to end the fights no matter how chronic or severe.
Whether you need this information for yourself or someone you care about I think you will find these steps invaluable.
Kim Cooper
Narcissistic Wife: “He’s so weak and needy - he should grow a spine.”
- Affairs (physical, emotional & fantasy)
Relationship Experts - Because We’ve Been There!
©MODPOD2011
PLEASE NOTE - Kim is not a therapist or doctor, but her advice is well researched and has been reviewed by professional mental health practitioners and includes qualified advice from many sources including Social Services and the Police. Please note that you may however still want to read this Disclaimer and Privacy Policy before using this site or her products.