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3 Questions to Know it’s Not You Causing the Fights ...
(Plus - 3 Things that Only Make the Fighting Worse)
Do you believe a happy and prosperous relationship is based on your luck or providence in finding the ‘right’ partner, and that the degree of compatibility between the two of you will determine whether your life together will be happy or not?
The Science of Love
The information and products on this site are all based on this understanding. They aim at getting to the cause of you or your partners closing off to love and reappraising the situation in a more positive light with positive steps that can be taken to minimize anxiety and the resulting forms of denial.
If so you are likely to be disappointed, because if you have learned dysfunctional emotional behavior it is unlikely that you will find love, peace and intimacy with anyone.
Love will always hold power, magic and mystery, but psychology has advanced to a stage where we should no longer see relationships through the eyes of luck, but instead as dependent on skills which can be learned by anyone.
The human emotional system works something like this ...
When we experience any threat to our happiness, well being or security it is normal that we first go through an orienting period where we attempt to appraise the extent of the threat. After giving the threat some very focused attention we then choose a course of action that we have decided will be appropriate. If we can find no appropriate action we become anxious and this anxiety causes intrusions into our life and our ability to attend to our daily tasks. We fret, we have unwelcome and unpleasant thoughts, and we worry or have bad dreams.
To deal with these disruptive and unpleasant intrusions, we may then go into denial. We blame something or someone else for the un-resolvable threat coming into our life (to relieve intrusions of guilt) or we reach for a drink, drugs, zone out, put unrealistic demands on our partner to help us feel secure, avoid any reference to the cause of anxiety or escape into a fantasy world of our own or another’s creation. These are all forms of denial.
All of these palliatives, and the intrusions themselves, diminish the potential for us to be effective and successful in our life and they also make us less available to love and be loved.
The ONLY way to combat this in a healthy and beneficial manner is to come out of denial and reappraise the situation in a new and more positive light, perhaps seeking assistance and practical steps in dealing with the problem that first threatened us.
Take for instance the example of someone who is drinking too much because of the threat of an impending bankruptcy. They will only regain emotional balance if they come out of denial, face the financial problems their business is facing with new information and assistance and plan steps to either avoid the bankruptcy, minimize the impact on their life or even see it as a positive opportunity for a new beginning.
Most of us face numerous threats in our life and are under equipped to deal with them. This negatively impacts our intimate and love relationships as do the palliatives (forms of denial) that we habitually reach for.
Private, More Effective & Much Less Expensive than Therapy or Marriage Counseling -
Why marriage counselors come to us with
their relationship problems.
Symptoms
- Emotional abuse
- Verbal abuse
- Mental abuse
- Domestic abuse
The Narcissistic / Codependent Marriage
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder In Your Partner
Are You Treated Differently in Private than in Public?
-
-Narcissistic Personality Disorder In Yourself
Are Your Nerves Shattered from Hiding Your Shame?
Narcissism
- What is Narcissism? - The many meanings of the word narcissism through history.
Narcissism tests can be misleading.
This site simply shares what we have learned on
our personal journey of recovery.
- Those Selfish Sneaky Brats - Meet the narcissists - an article on narcissism.
- Books on Narcissism - Our e-books and audio products at full price if you don’t wish to subscribe.
Do you give your best but it is never enough?
Has your relationship become a depressing chore?
Back from The Looking Glass
Living with the Disorder
that Causes Domestic Abuse ...
Kim and Steve Cooper
- Affairs (physical, emotional & fantasy)
©MODPOD2012
PLEASE NOTE - Kim and Steve are not therapists or doctors, but their advice is well researched and has been reviewed by professional mental health practitioners and includes qualified advice from many sources including Social Services and the Police. Please note that you may however still want to read this Disclaimer and Privacy Policy before getting advice from this site or their books.