Well it can be natural and very tempting to think this, but statistics show that if your first marriage or relationship fails there is a very high risk your next marriage will fail as well.
Hi, today I want to share some information that may surprise you. In the five years Steve and I have been publishing our work online, we have watched the whole conversation about relationship problems start to shift, and here’s why ...
If you have some doubts about therapy you are not alone! Woody Allen was famous for spending most of his adult life in therapy and look at what a mess he has made of his life!
If you answered, “No”, to any of these questions, the problem in your marriage may be that you didn’t have the good role models you needed to learn these skills from while you were growing up.
-
•Do you struggle knowing how to handle insults, put downs or slights?
-
•Do you know what your anger and jealousy are signaling?
-
•Do you know how to apologize?
-
•Do you know how to admit it when you’re embarrassed about something you’ve done?
-
•Did you know that false pride will stunt your development?
-
•Do you know how to attract the love that you crave?
-
•Do you know how to build lasting bonds with people you want close?
-
•Are you interested in other people and not just yourself?
I saw a great documentary where the famous psychologist Gabor Maté said something like this; “Abuse in childhood is when bad things happened that shouldn’t have - and good things that should have happened didn’t.”
Growing up I remember adults (on TV) talk about spending years on the therapists couch. This was from such a young age that I never thought to ask my parents why getting help with your emotional problems would take so long?
"I transformed our bad marriage ... even when
the professionals told me it was hopeless and
I had no choice but to leave or to change the locks. "
Does Therapy Really Work?
I find it sad that many people only find us once their 2nd or 3rd marriage is failing. We help these people sure, but how bad do you think they feel when they see that correcting the mistakes they have been making could have improved their relationships a long time ago?
The hard thing is it takes practice (and you may need to be reminded to keep working on it) and someone to show you the way. For this reason reading a book once (and then leaving it on the shelf) may not help. That is why we want you to join our mailing list so we can stay in touch. The best thing about learning these new habits here is that it’s something you can do from the privacy of your own home.
Now you might be thinking - “But hey, there is not that much wrong with me - really my relationship problems are all my partner’s fault!”
The chemistry has to be there, sure, but once you get to know each other better it will be your own ability to foster connection, set real boundaries and challenge your partner, that will largely determine if your relationship will stand the test of time.
Because a good relationship is not a role of the dice ...
If you want to learn to drive a car, you need practical exercises and instruction from someone who knows how to drive. Learning better relationship skills is similar and won’t happen from you sitting around and talking about your past!
It’s Not About What Happened - But What Didn’t
Creating a Great Marriage Requires Skill
What is the Very Next Skill You Are Going to Learn?
There are some even better questions about therapy you might be asking yourself right now, such as;
- If therapy takes so long, how can anyone be sure it works?
- How can I afford it?
- How will I ever get my partner to go along?
I believe psychologists and psychiatrists can certainly help people with the pain and confusion caused from past trauma, but if you struggle with relationships, the real damage was probably not trauma from your childhood (no matter how painful that might have been) but that you didn’t experience positive role models to learn good relationship skills from while you were growing up.
I want you to imagine marriage being a skill you can learn, just like driving a car or learning to ice a cake ...
Are you going to bother taking that class? Or will you leave your future happiness with your partner to luck?
“In the end the solution I found to create a great marriage was not spending years on a therapist’s couch discussing who said what and why ...”
Steve and I are here to help you and we look forward to introducing you to our online resources so you can get started, just like the thousands of couples we have helped learn these skills so far. Maybe you don’t realize it but you have already learned more than you might realize! Because if you don’t want to waste time, knowing what NOT to do and what isn’t going to help is nearly as important as knowing what will!
Our Ebooks & Audio Products
So your marriage problems may not be about the bad things that happened to you or your partner in your childhood, but instead about the important relationship skills that you may not have learned.
The good news is that these emotional competencies can be taught and can be learned. Better yet, research has shown that you are never too old to learn these skills and it is actually easier when you are older.
Why Marriage Counsellors, Psychologists and Psychiatrists Come to Us With their Relationship Problems ...
Back from The Looking Glass
Living with the Disorder
that Causes Domestic Abuse ...
Kim and Steve Cooper
Discover how to break the cycle of fighting Subscribe today and gain free instant access to the private areas of our site - including three questions to know you are not causing the fights. As a subscriber you may also purchase our Steps to a Peaceful Home Program for
ONLY $39.90 (Regular price $54.90)
Our Steps to a Peaceful Home Program is comprised of Back From the Looking Glass and The Love Safety Net Workbook which you can purchase individually here at full price.
Do You Have Married Friends Who Call or Sleep on Your Couch When They Fight?
Don’t want to share your email address?
Divorce usually doesn’t end the fights and can even make them worse.
This verbal abuse and violence can be inflicted by women and men.
At first the fights may only be verbal, but then over time violence can creep in as the fights get worse.
Our short ebook 'Back from the Looking Glass' offers 13 steps to end marital conflict no matter how chronic or severe.
Whether you need this information for yourself or someone you care about I think you will find these steps invaluable.
Kim Cooper
Relationship Experts - Because We’ve Been There!
Don’t Read Another Word About Narcissists Until You Read This!
- Do narcissists hate women?
- Can a narcissist truly feel love for his children?
-
-Does a narcissist ever forget an insult?
-
-Are narcissists cruel to their pets?
The internet is teaming with these kind of questions - but I must warn you that this kind of thinking leads to a very dangerous trap.
On TV when we see conflict or crime ‘hey presto’ some hero policeman, detective or doctor usually shows up and profiles the disordered person’s thinking (by trying to think like they do) and by doing this figures out an ingenious solution - which usually means the bad guy goes to jail (and often the victim finds a new love).
Real life, however, is much different and trying to get into a disordered persons head (to manipulate them) may lead to you becoming crazy yourself.
I have seen this a number of times on online forums where people are sometimes bullied into believing how evil their partner really is (and how wrong they are to still love them) along with how supposedly different their partner thinks. The result can be that the person experiencing this brainwashing becomes so scared, miserable and disconnected from reality, that they nearly forget their own name along with which way is up!
I visited those kind of forums when I needed help with my marriage and some of those people nearly scared me out of my wits. Luckily I had a friend who said “Sure you are both unhappy Kim and I know Steve is really hurting you - but you two love each other. He is not a monster, remember? Kim you are talking about Steve!”
That broke the spell and I know now I was lucky to have such a smart friend. I started to rethink things and realized that trying to work out how Steve was thinking wasn’t the answer - what I had to do was get as strong and healthy as I could and start getting us help.
The only way to help a disordered person is to learn very solid and healthy relationship skills yourself. Hard work? Yes, but this work will have the added bonus of helping you improve all the relationships in your life!
If you live with a person who is cold and arrogant, understanding the symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder will help, sure, but trying to get into their head will only lead you into such a dark spiders web of thinking, that you may be lucky to ever get out!
Because if you are trying to manipulate a manipulator what does that make you? Trying to change someone’s bad behavior by learning how they think won’t work.
I look forward to sharing more with you right after you subscribe ...
- Affairs (physical, emotional & fantasy)
©MODPOD2012
PLEASE NOTE - Kim and Steve are not therapists or doctors, but their advice is well researched and has been reviewed by professional mental health practitioners and includes qualified advice from many sources including Social Services and the Police. Please note that you may however still want to read this Disclaimer and Privacy Policy before getting advice from this site or their books.