It is normal to feel angry when you are disrespected or feel under threat. There are times however when instead of a person simply defending themselves, their response can turn into a verbal attack.
Some people will use yelling and threatening language to impose their will on the people around them. This may work in the short term but in the long term it will only breed resentment and contempt.
Verbal abuse may be a habit we picked up from our parents or other role models, but is a sign of weakness and not strength.
Name calling, sarcasm, insults, personal threats and attacks on a person’s character are all forms of verbal abuse and aggression.
Verbal abuse can flare in the heat of the moment if your relationship feels threatened or you are angry because you fear you have been disrespected.
Learning better negotiation and emotional intelligence skills (such as self soothing) will help you earn the respect you are seeking from others. You should admit to your family you are embarrassed for your actions and reassure them you are genuinely working on controlling your temper, and then stand firm within yourself on your decision not to discuss things in the heat of the moment.
If you find you are saying things in an aggressive or sarcastic tone that you will regret later - stop yourself and tell the person you are speaking to that you are too upset to discuss this matter now and that you need some time to cool off. After this write down what upset you but then forget about it for awhile and do something to help you feel happy and calm again.
Verbal Abuse
What is Verbal Abuse?
Why do People Inflict Verbal Abuse on Their Loved Ones?
What do I do if I am Guilty of Verbal Abuse?
What can I do if I am the victim of verbal abuse?
Just because you can’t directly control this person’s behaviour to make them stop doesn’t mean you are powerless. In fact by shifting your own behaviour patterns you can massively influence both sides of your relationship.
"Back when Steve and I were fighting, I used to hide at home feeling scared of bumping into my neighbors, for fear they may have heard us fighting. Back the I had no idea that these verbally abusive fights were a symptom of a Narcissistic / Codependent marriage."
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PLEASE NOTE - Kim and Steve are not therapists or doctors, but their advice is well researched and has been reviewed by professional mental health practitioners and includes qualified advice from many sources including Social Services and the Police. Please note that you may however still want to read this Disclaimer and Privacy Policy before getting advice from this site or their books.