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- Narcissistic Personality Disorder In Your Partner

Are You Treated Differently in Private than in Public?

  1. -Narcissistic Personality Disorder In Yourself

Are Your Nerves Shattered from Hiding Your Shame?

Kim Cooper

‘The dysfunction formally known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder’ is quite a mouthful and victims of domestic abuse have enough on their plate already, living with a manipulative partner (and the public perception that what they are experiencing must be because of their own stupidity that they don’t, “just leave”)  that the least we can do for them is find a new and better term.

‘Gay’ became ‘homosexual’ and homosexuality was also (coincidentally) at one stage pulled as a mental disorder from the DSM. There are however other words to describe both meanings of the word gay.

Words grow and change over time and naturally take on a life of their own. For the sake of members of dysfunctional families however, already torn by confusion at the hands of their partners two faced charming/aggressive behavior, maybe we need to find a better term than narcissism, which is all their own?

A person with NPD will in fact have a greater than average risk of being injured or killed by a partner who finally decides they have had enough of being lied to, scapegoated, cheated and conned.

Pity the police called on to investigate these matters, because this person will be a professional at playing the victim, and may also be an expert at provoking anger and violence in others to better hide their own crimes.

Control may be the issue certainly, but insults and put downs will generally be the weapon of choice and a person with the characteristics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, while certainly causing their family despair, may also cause so much chaos in their own and their family’s lives (while also hiding possible addictions and immoral behavior) that they can be very hard to pick.

Domestic abuse is usually considered something that occurs in poorer suburbs, perpetrated by men with little education, as an old fashioned and brutal means of getting their way. The real story of domestic abuse however lies hidden in the very term we have been investigating here and it knows no social or educational barriers what-so-ever.

Meanwhile, many very desperate individuals, when consulting better educated professionals, still hear the term narcissism used to describe the chaos of a home life with an egotistical, two faced, partner who despite dishing out put downs and aggression also makes it almost impossible to divorce.

Well meaning certainly - but soon every older person with the slightest grudge against gen Y began ranting about Facebook and how irredeemably self interested all young people have become, while assuring us that as teenagers they had never been the slightest bit self-centered or immature.

Then along came the TV psychologist, quite rightly warning that we might be breeding narcissism in our society from celebrity worship and a general lack of emotionally mature role models in the media and on TV.

They did not understand that a true narcissist would probably only behave this way with their intimates, and hence unpopular, insecure and pompous types, rather than charming, two-faced. controlling manipulators, tended to get branded with the NPD label.

Meanwhile, those looking to identify a narcissistic character from the DSM were ticking boxes when witnessing arrogant and grandiose behavior which lacked empathy, and it wasn’t long until some even decided narcissism must be caused by a baby being fed too often with a silver spoon!

The cult classic ‘Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy’ could have helped with this. It’s narcissistic captain Zaphod Beeblebrox was clearly two faced and in the TV series version of this epic, this famous narcissist even had two heads!

Meanwhile back in the marriage counseling camps, therapists and clients alike - with little to go on about what a narcissistic person really looked like - were turning to the DSM looking to find out more about what this disorder was really all about. The description they found was useful, except that it mostly left out the fact that these people are ‘two faced’.

Some people suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder were scared badly by this ‘doctor’s’ writing and came to believe they were much more evil and their situation much more hopeless than was likely the case. Our psychopathic doc reveled in this fear and for a time held sway over an army of codependent spouses who flocked to his websites looking for help. Once there he convinced many that their lying, cheating partners were plotting and scheming psychopaths out hunting in the woods at night, rather than simply avoiding their responsibilities by blaming others for their problems and hanging out in bars.

Already light years from Liberace and Marylin (the narcissistic showmen), the confusion had only really just begun ...

This man’s lengthy and seductive descriptions of his own twisted and psychopathic mind soon became popular online reading and the term narcissism now began its use by journalists and psychologists alike (deceived by this man’s false credentials) describing the full gamut of psychopathic behavior from serial killers to kidnapper/rapists.

Next stop on our time-line we meet the psychopath (later diagnosed on camera for a TV documentary), in jail for securities fraud who, with too much time on his hands, decided ‘malignant narcissism’ was what he was suffering from and, self-diagnosed, decided to pick up a PHD as cheap and fast as he could to become the new ‘online expert’ in this field.

Later when Narcissistic Personality Disorder first appeared in the DSM, it was not a phrase people in decent society were likely to hear, instead it was a term you only learned when you set out seeking professional help for a lying and cheating spouse. Narcissism, describing the traits of this disorder, now gave psychologists a more professional term for the behavior that 90% of country music songs had traditionally been written about!

Psychiatrists always look deeper however (and like relating things to sex) and so they defined narcissism as the (very normal and healthy) human tendency to choose a sexual partner that looks similar to our self.

Back in the days when the word ‘gay’ described happiness, narcissism meant ‘showman-like’ and a narcissistic individual was likely to be in big demand. Liberace and Marylin would each have fit this bill and (quite rightly) no one saw anything sinister in their twinkling eyes and smiles.

The (Con) Artist Formerly Known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder

  1. -With so much confusion around the meaning of the word narcissism, is there little wonder that Narcissistic Personality Disorder is set to be pulled from the next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (the DSM V).

A Brief History of the Word Narcissism ... 

What is Narcissism?

Whether pulled from the next DSM or not, the two faced, skirt chasing, back stabbing, manipulative charmers this disorder describes will hardly be going away!

Please Continuing Reading Here ...

Kim Cooper

"Later I discovered that none of the people saying I should leave Steve had good marriages. If someone offering you advice hasn’t got a good marriage, how can they possibly help you?"

- What is Narcissism? - The many meanings of the word narcissism through history.

  1. -Narcissism Test

Narcissism tests can be misleading.

  1. -Are We Claiming a Cure for Narcissism? - No.

This site simply shares what we have learned on

our personal journey of recovery.

- Those Selfish Sneaky Brats - Meet the narcissists - an article on narcissism.

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Our Ebooks & Audio Products

The Love Safety Net Workbook
4 Skills to Build a Great Marriage

Kim and Steve Cooper

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The Little Book of Empathy Love

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Are You treated like puppy or like a bug?

Kim Cooper

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Emotional Stupidity
Are You an Emotional Genius or Dunce?

Kim Cooper

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Loveable Me
Self Soothing Relaxation Audio

Kim and Steve Cooper

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Reconnect -

Appreciation and Respect
Conversation Topics for Groups

Kim and Steve Cooper

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The Love Safety Net Workbook
The Little Book of Empathy Love and Friendship
Emotional Stupididty
Lovable Me
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10 Steps to Overcome Codependence
Are You Always Waiting for them to Call?

Kim Cooper

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10 steps to Overcome Codependence
  1. -Codependence in Yourself

Do you give your best but it is never enough?

  1. -Codependence in Your Partner

Has your relationship become a depressing chore?

Back from The Looking Glass
Living with the Disorder

that Causes Domestic Abuse ...

Kim and Steve Cooper

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- Affairs (physical, emotional & fantasy)

Kim and Steve Cooper
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Relationship Experts - Because We’ve Been There!